“Sunday Negotiation Insight”
“As you go through life, don’t rush. Take time to appreciate it and the value of those you engage with.” –Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert
The following came from Jeffry Fry ( firstname.lastname@example.org ). He’s a real humanitarian.
Customer: I really need some help. After much consideration, I’ve decided to install a new program called LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install it now. What do I do?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your HEART.EXE program. Have you located your HEART?
Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let’s see… I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.EXE running now.
Tech Support: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called RESPECT.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.EXE. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke the anti-malware program FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until it’s erased the programs you don’t want.
Customer: Okay, now LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will stay installed for the life of your HEART hard drive. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes, I do. Is it completely installed?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
Tech Support: What does the message say?
Customer: It says, “ERROR 412-PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.” What does that mean?
Tech Support: Don’t worry, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTs but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE” running on your own machine before it can run and connect “LOVE” to others.
Customer: So what should I do?
Tech Support: Can you pull down the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”? It is right there in your PRIVATE folder. Click the START menu and enter the COMMAND function if you have a problem.
Customer: Yes, I have it.
Tech Support: Excellent. You’re getting good at this. Now, click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory: FORGIVE-SELF.PIF, REALIZE-WORTH.MSI, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.COM. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITICISM.COM from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterward to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MP3 is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.COM, and CONTENTMENT.EXE are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. Ah, one more thing.
Tech Support: LOVE is free shareware. It works to prevent your HEART being corrupted my malware and other bad software. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will! Thanks for your help!
What does this have to do with negotiations?
In a negotiation, you have to display empathy, compassion, and project the impression of respect and some modicum of concern for the other negotiator and her position; to do otherwise could leave you in a hapless negotiation position. All of the attributes mentioned are encapsulated in love. If you can’t engender your negotiation with love at least find a way to convey compassion … and everything will be right with the world.
Happy New Year!
Remember, you’re always negotiating.