“How Forgiving Is Your Mind – This Is What Matters”
How long do you allow negativity to grip you in the jaws of despair – hold you mind hostage to situations that make you cling to slights that others thrust upon you? If you hold negative thoughts for an extended time, it might be to your detriment?
Anytime you allow lingering negative thoughts to affect your mood, your mannerisms, or your actions, you allow others to control you. Thus, at times, you must exercise forgiveness to release such anxieties – at other times, you must take aggressive actions.
The following are thoughts to help you assess when to engage in forgiveness and when not to.
Let it go:
Everything that’s perceived as being negative, isn’t. Thus, you must assess what is real versus perceived negativity – that perception will, in part, be based on your current state of mind. That’s why it’s important to mend your mind by not allowing too much of the past to cloud your current judgment – it matters to your wellbeing.
Release thoughts that debilitate your mind (e.g. they’ll never let me move into a higher position – they don’t like people like me – I remember the outcome the last time something like this occurred). Some thoughts don’t serve you. Even if such things bring past indiscretions to mind, don’t conflate them with your current situation – that was then and this is now.
By separating the past and present, you insulate your current thoughts from the past – that disallows your past thoughts from afflicting your current thinking. It also frees you to release thoughts that don’t serve you and replace them with those that are more uplifting. In turn, that will take you to a higher mental sanctuary, which will allow you to have a more positive perspective.
When not to let it go:
If someone or something is preventing you from achieving your desired goal, challenge them! Fear not for fear’s sake. If you subscribe to attaining an objective, you must do what’s necessary to advance forward. To the degree that it’s important, when others block your path out of spite or unrighteousness, don’t be forgiving – be persistent in moving them aside. There is a time for forgiveness – this is not it!
When it comes to your success and security if you let threats go unabated, you’ll only be postponing future dread. By not addressing situations that outright pose potential harm, you emboldened the source of that threat. If left unaddressed, it may swell to become the cause of your demise.
When something was too threatening, something that caused you to summon more courage, you did so. In so doing you realized, without struggle, you had no advancement. Don’t stop now when confronted by a daunting roadblock – that’s nothing more than a test to encourage you to display more courage – move on, go higher!
By controlling your mind, you control your thoughts, which allows you to control your actions. Control will keep you in a better mental place. You’re the master-of-your-fate. Knowing when to forgive and when not to will help you maintain that domain … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
During a negotiation, you can become overwhelmed by emotions – emotions that lead to thoughts of retribution. Unless there’s a sincere need for such, don’t let negative thoughts lead to emotions that cloud your judgment. They’ll saddle you with unneeded consternation as you go deeper into the negotiation.
Being able to forgive perceived slights can be a gift in a negotiation – it can free your mind to think more freely. Knowing when to move against such slights can also be beneficial. Thus, knowing when to adopt the right action is paramount. Therefore, when weighing a conflicting negative thought that might debilitate your mind ask yourself, does this matter? If it doesn’t, be forgiving – let it go.
“Magic tricks can be mind-blowing – until the other negotiator blows your mind by making your favorable outcomes disappear.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert (Click to Tweet)
“Dirty Cruel Negotiator Tricks That Will Blow Your Mind“
Have you been in a negotiation that you thought was over – only to discover that it wasn’t – there was one little thing that needed addressing? It might have been, someone wouldn’t sign off on the deal. Or, maybe it was, ‘the last one was just sold.’ Your reopened negotiation might have taken on any variation of the last two excuses. More than likely, the excuses were contrived, already baked into the negotiation plans of the other negotiator. If you let such tricks bother you, they can blow your mind.
The following is how some negotiators use such tricks and how you can protect yourself against them.
The Cheat: Someone that’s dishonest or someone that uses the deal, no deal strategy
Challenge – Some negotiators are downright scoundrels. Their main strategy is figuring out how they can cheat you. They’ll use such tricks as concluding a deal, waiting until the covenants of the agreement are due, and then back out or request slight concessions. You can sue them for not abiding by the agreement but that means you’ll waste more time dealing with them.
Response – This person can be extremely difficult to deal with – if possible don’t deal with him. As in any negotiation, you should have background information about the other negotiator. Part of that due diligence should be uncovering his negotiation style based on his past negotiations. If he’s used cheating tactics in the past, they should be easy to uncover.
If avoiding him is not possible, observe how he responds throughout the negotiation. Such individuals may be very accommodating when engaging you – they’re setting you up for the cheat to come. Use time as your ally – stretch the negotiation out. At intervals, have deliverables that he must meet before the negotiation can occur. If he welshes at any interval, let that serve as consideration to abandon the negotiation. To better insulate yourself, front-load his deliverables to guard against you investing unnecessary time in the negotiation.
Moving Target: That’s not what I/you said.
Challenge – The negotiator that employs this tactic can use it in different forms. She can play the confused person, “I don’t know what I was thinking – that’s not what I meant.” Or, she can attempt to paint you as the bumbling idiot – “how in the world could you have inferred that? I would never make such an offer.”
Response – When she uses either form of this tactic, stop her – explore how the point of miscommunication occurred. Then, note to what degree, if at all, it occurs again. If it does, ask her if she’s intentionally miscommunicating with you. If she becomes flustered, so be it. Get the tactic out and in the open. You’ll disarm her use of it by doing so.
Time Delayers: I’m sorry. I’m not ready to continue. Can we postpone until next week/month?
Challenge – Every good negotiator knows, the more time you put into a negotiation, the more energy you’ll spend in seeing it to its conclusion. Therein lies the trap. Because, the more time you spend, the more likely you are to make concessions.
Response – Note the reasoning behind the request to delay the negotiation – seek its validity. You might consider raising the question about your negotiation counterpart seeking other offers, etc. Observe how he responds. The point is, test his request for an extension to assess its validity and to prepare for what may lie ahead. Don’t get sucked into the black hole vortex of time. You may regret it if you do.
Conclusion: Protect yourself.
The above strategies are acceptable forms of negotiating in some environments. Thus, what might be a dirty cruel trick in one arena might be thought of as a normal way of doing business in another. Therefore, be aware of the customary negotiation practices of the environment you’re in. Doing so will allow you to heighten your sense of awareness per that environment … and everything will be right with the world.
What mask are you wearing today and how many times will you change it? The mask you wear affects your psyche.
A mask is a metaphor for the persona you project to others. It’s how you represent who you are. It’s the way you wish them to perceive you and the way you see yourself. Depending on the circumstances, you’ll wear different masks at different times throughout the day.
Some might say, changing your mask alters who you are; you’re not authentic. But who are you, and who’s to say when you’re authentic? You’re not who you were five years ago, or five minutes ago; you’ve changed. Does that make you inauthentic? No!
Since change occurs daily, moment to moment, do you not continuously morph into who you just became, while transitioning into who you’re becoming? In that transition, do you observe who you are in that moment? By being observant, you’ll note the direction in which your life is heading. You’ll note if you require change before displaying the mask you’re about to adopt. That will allow you to morph into a different mask to cast a different persona if you require it.
The point is, if you recognize the mask you’re wearing at any time and you’re aware of why you’re wearing it, you’ll be more mindful of why you display the personality you project, what promotes you to do so, and the circumstances that lead you to that point. You’ll have greater control of your life, the purpose for which you’re living, and a greater sense of where you’re headed in life.
So, what mask are you wearing right now and why are you wearing it right now? If you have an answer to that question, it’ll be easier to change that mask when it’s warranted. That will also mean that you’re at a higher level of recognition and control of your life. Those are invaluable factors from which to sustain growth, harmony, and success in life. Do that … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
In every negotiation, negotiators wear multiple masks. It’s called their persona. They do so to create and project the right image for a phase in the negotiation that’s appropriate for that phase. The mask they adopt adds to the perception you have of them. It may be a mask of harshness, sorrow, bullying, or tenderness. Its intent is to affect your psyche. The mask worn may represent negative manipulation, which is different from one worn to serve the greater good of the negotiation.
You must be mindful of the mask you perceive, as much as the one you project. Your mask intertwines with the other negotiator’s mask. Therefore, the mask that both of you display is based on what’s perceived.
If you want to increase your negotiation abilities, you need to know how and when to adopt a mask that suits the situation. You must be savvy when detecting the purpose of the mask shown throughout the negotiation, too. By enhancing your mental agility to observe, detect, and adopt the appropriate persona during different stages of the negotiation, you’ll experience more winning negotiation outcomes.
“If you could be everywhere at the same time, where would you be?” Puzzled, the recipient of the question said, “If I could be everywhere at the same time, I wouldn’t have to decide where to be.” Wrong, was the reply. “Even if you could be everywhere you’d still have to focus on being in the place that offered the greatest possibility for success”, was the retort.
As we go through life, we learn new things every day. Those that apply learned lessons from one environment into another maximize their learning.
Some people discover new ways to solve problems, apply that new knowledge against other problems and discover that something has changed for the better. Then, they stop, never realizing that they’re more applications for which that new knowledge can prove to be beneficial.
There are times we seek to solve a problem and only focus on one solution. We do so without considering other possible solutions. For example, let’s say you’re looking for a hammer to drive a nail. If you only focus on finding a hammer, you’d omit the thought that you might use a shoe, brick, piece of wood, or any object that wasn’t fragile for that purpose.
By shifting your paradigm from needing a hammer and instead focusing it on what you might use to solve the problem, you expand your thought process. In doing that, you discover new ways to address other challenges. But, you must possess an open mind before that can occur.
Throughout my consultations, trainings, and presentations, I suggest to people that they think about the way they think. I provide the insight above to highlight that.
If you become more aware of the problems you encounter and the resolutions to solve them, you’ll increase your awareness of the wondrous ways of conquering them. That will take you to a higher plane of success from which you’ll view your life’s opportunities from a whole new spectrum … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
When negotiating, you’ll encounter challenges and impasses that hampers a negotiation’s success. The determining factor for success will lie in the way you attempt to address such challenges. If you rely on tried and true solutions that worked in the past and they prove to be ineffective, you might succumb to the challenge. Instead, if you think with an expanded mind, one that’s not fixated on one solution, you can turn impasses into learning experiences that lead to greater insights.
So, constantly ask yourself in a negotiation and other facets of your life, how can I use what I’ve learned in one environment and apply it to another situation.
If you constantly look at situations as entries to greater opportunities and insights, your endeavors will adopt a platform from which greater knowledge will flow. First, you must open your mind to having an open mind about how you perceive challenges, problems, and situations. It’s through that open mind that new and greater success will flow.
“In order to negotiate better, you must enhance your ability to focus on the known and even more so on the unknown.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert
“Trump-Comey To Negotiate Better Focus On The Mind”
President Trump should have considered how former FBI Director Comey thinks before engaging in the latest round of negotiations (You’re always negotiating!). To negotiate better, always consider the mindset of the other negotiator. Doing so will allow you to focus better on the appropriate negotiation strategy.
Who is he? What does he focus on when negotiating? Those are just a few questions that you should ask yourself every time you enter into negotiation. Such questions help you to hone in on the mind of the other negotiator. It causes you to focus on how he thinks, which will give you insight into what he might do during the negotiation.
I wonder if the president was aware of posing such questions to himself when thinking about how he’d deal (negotiate) with former FBI Director Comey.
Questions like, who is he, what mindset does he possess, and what is that mindset based on, may appear to be so benign to one’s thought process that such questions don’t get the well-deserved recognition that should be afforded them. Had the president pondered such questions in more depth, he might have adopted a different posture in dealing with Comey.
Here’s another point to consider when thinking about the way the other negotiator thinks. When you’re negotiating with someone or a group of people, you’re not just negotiating with them, you’re also negotiating with those not at the negotiation table. Pause! Depending on your negotiation skill level, you may have just thought or said to yourself, I know that. Here’s the point and it’s also the intent of this article, think deeper! If you thought my statement about considering how the other negotiator thinks, related to who is not at the negotiation table that has a stake in the negotiation, you’re right, half right.
The ‘think deeper’ aspect means to think about the people your negotiation counterpart has negotiated with in the past. Those encounters have helped shape his opinions, his sense of perception, his tolerance for risk, in essence, they will have helped shape his mind and his thought process. All of that will impact and determine how he negotiates with you.
When President Trump took on former FBI Director Comey, it appears the president did not consider the long-standing practices and processes that the former director engaged in throughout his career. Such processes like documenting what occurred in meetings (which left paper trails), and having practiced with many bureaucrats throughout his career should have given the president cause to think deeper about his attempts to sway Comey’s opinions one way or the other. Instead, some say, the president attempted to use bullying tactics cloaked in veil threats (e.g. he (Comey) better hope there are not tapes), in an attempt to get his way. Based on the tactics the president has used in the past, it’s assumed he thought they’d work again.
When negotiating, always consider the totality of the other negotiator’s mind. You may not know everything that went into the makeup of the mindset he possesses but the more you do know, the better your chances will be at crafting a winning negotiation strategy … and everything will be right with the world.