“How To Avoid Danger From Being A Strong Negotiator”
Some negotiators emit weakness when they’re negotiating. There’s danger in doing that. Other negotiators exude strength. There’s danger in that, too. A successful negotiator knows how to project power while avoiding the threat of being perceived as overbearing, stubborn, or unrelenting. They also know when to appear robust and when to appear weak.
The following are ways that you can be a strong negotiator while avoiding danger and becoming more successful in your negotiations.
First, be mindful of the negotiator type with whom you’re negotiating. Some negotiators will view you as an opponent or adversary, while others will see you as an advisor or friend. It’s essential to identify and know the different characteristics displayed by negotiators. That’ll determine how you’ll negotiate with them.
Adversary Versus Advisor:
If a negotiator perceives you as too overbearing, he may become obstinate. When you appear weak, some negotiators will take advantage of you. So, you must know when to adopt the right persona. You can determine that by how the other negotiator sees you versus how you wish him to view you.
When dealing with someone that notes you as an adversary, his mindset is, he’s in a rigorous engagement, and there’s only one winner, him. With this type of negotiator, stand your ground. Challenge him before making concessions. Make him earn what he receives. That will enhance the respect he has for you and your abilities.
When viewed as an advisor or friend, display a demeanor of agreeability. You want this negotiator type to feel at ease with you. Create a climate whereby ideas are free to be exchanged. That will encourage that person to be more amenable to your offers, thoughts, and ideas. Also, he won’t feel threatened when you propose something that may appear to be out-of-bounds.
When projecting strength or weakness, know when to switch roles. Displaying the advisor role (e.g., I’d like to gather a little more information so I can best determine how I might meet your request), is an excellent way to break the frame. It’ll allow you to morph from a position of weakness to strength or vice versa. Be sure to change your demeanor when doing so. Do that by adjusting your body language to meet the new image that you project.
As an example, if you’re acting the role of a competent person and you switch to a weaker one, sit smaller in your chair. Do that by slouching, and drawing your body closer to itself as though you were afraid.
To project an image of strength, expand the space you’re occupying. Accomplish that by increasing the size of your body, and making big gestures when you speak. You can also move your objects further away. You want to occupy more space to appear more confident. That nonverbal gesture states that you feel comfortable and unafraid of anything in the environment.
You can also use inflections in your voice to cast the appropriate demeanor. Do that by placing a stronger or weaker inference on the words that are most important to you. That will add value to your persona.
Like everything in life – the more you know about the environment you’ll be in and the people in it, the better prepared you can be for what might occur. Knowing how to move back and forth stealthfully, from a forceful negotiator image to one less dynamic, will allow you to have more influence over the negotiation. Plus, you won’t have to worry about being perceived as an ogre when you adopt a more rigorous personality. That will keep the negotiation wolves away from your door, those that would seek retribution for you being too strong against them … and everything will be right with the world.
“Here Is What You Need To Know To Win More Negotiations”
He entered the negotiation completely unprepared. And he jumped at the first offer the other negotiator made. After they departed the negotiator that had extended the offer said to a cohort, I wish all of my negotiations were that easy. That guy had no negotiation skills.
Hopefully, no one will ever say that about you. Implement the following steps in your negotiations, and you’ll decrease that probability.
Identify what a winning outcome is for you and the other negotiator.
Take into account the resources you and the other negotiator will have to enhance your efforts. Those resources might consist of other people at the negotiation table and some that are not.
Determine what either of you might do to achieve that outcome.
Assess what might hamper the outcome you’d like.
Identify the body language gestures you’ll note to assess when the other negotiator is becoming exasperated. Set the baseline for those gestures by observing how he acts when he’s calm.
Other Influencing Factors:
Know the outside sources of power that might influence the other negotiator.
For more considerable influence, understand the way he thinks and the motives that drive his actions.
Know your pressure points and those of your opponent. You can gain influence by applying pressure on those not at the negotiation table – leverage that. Remember, the other negotiator can do the same to you. To decrease that probability, minimize those that may expose your vulnerabilities. Doing so will make you less susceptible to pressure.
Know how many phases there may be in the negotiation. If the other negotiator is the first of many that you’ll be negotiating against, he may be attempting to gain insight into your strategy. Then, when you think you’ve reached an agreeable outcome, he’s removed. And his team installs someone else. That’s the beginning of the next phase of the talks. That can occur throughout many stages. Be prepared for it.
Recognize when you’re in a zone – everything is going right. Also, be aware when things are misaligned. When that occurs, stop the negotiation. Take a break an assess what’s happening. Once refreshed, re-engage.
Read Body Language:
Gather nonverbal queues that reveal hidden thoughts.
Eyes – What can you glean from someone’s eyes? You can gain insight into their demeanor, the degree of respect they have for you and themselves. And you can note when they become uneasy about an offer. To record such occurrences, observe the eye movement when engaged in regular exchanges. Then, as things intensify, note the quickening pace of the eye movement, the direction up or down in which is glanced. Those movements will signal uncomfortableness. Take note when sensing that and be prepared to take action.
Hands – When people speak, it’s natural to use hand gestures. As you progress in the negotiation, note the degree your opponent alters those gestures. There’s value in noting the difference between him saying, and we’re this close to a successful deal while holding his thumb and forefinger a quarter of an inch apart, versus two inches. He’s displaying his measurement to how close he thinks you are to closing the deal.
Speech patterns – Words convey thoughts. And specific words have more meaning than others. Thus, lend attention to the words used and their pronouncement when someone extends an offer. As an example, if someone were to say in a robust intonation, that’s my best deal, take it or leave it. They’d sound more convincing than if they stated it in a weaker tone and with their head bowed. Gain additional information by listening and observing.
Have clearly defined points indicating when it’s time to exit the negotiation. Establish them during your planning session.
Allow the other negotiator points to exit without losing face.
Assess the degree a winning outcome has changed as you’ve negotiated. If it’s altered drastically, consider postponing it.
Many factors influence the flow and outcome of a negotiation. The better prepared you are for what might occur, the better your chances to control the factors that determine the outcome. Having more control means, you should be able to keep the other negotiator happy with what he receives, while you obtain what you seek. The strategies mentioned will help you do just that. They’ll assist you in achieving your goals … and everything will be right with the world.
“For Greater Success Women Need To Be Better Negotiators”
People that negotiate better than others tend to have greater success in life. That’s true to a point. Because, if a man and a woman have equal skills as a negotiator, in general, women tend to get the shorter outcome. For that reason, women need to be even better negotiators.
… I asked what challenges she has when negotiating. She said, “none – I never have anything to negotiate.” After I probed by saying, never? She, replied, “I took my brother once to help me negotiate the purchase of my car. I figured the dealer would take advantage of a woman alone. But my brother wasn’t any good. He just said yes to everything the dealer said. He didn’t know anything about negotiations. I might as well be alone.”
Most people don’t realize when they’re negotiating. Negotiation occurs when you’re attempting to achieve an outcome. Anytime you’re trying to get someone to embrace your beliefs – you’re negotiating. Some consider that influencing. But in reality, it’s a negotiation.
As you’re most likely aware, my motto is, “You’re always negotiating.” That means, even when you’re engaged in the influence process, you’ve most likely had prior interactions that shape how you address someone. Those previous interactions were negotiations. You exchanged in the give-and-take process that’s influencing how you currently interact with someone of like-mindedness or appearance.
That’s important for women to remember when they’re negotiating. If they possess a shackled mindset, they’ll be less efficient when negotiating. Instead, women must look at the situation and think, I’m free to be who I am. My past is not my present. And I will not allow old thoughts that hindered my progress from slowing me down. I will become stronger and move more boldly towards my future. Then, learn more about how to become a better negotiator.
Know Your Assets:
There were several factors about negotiations that the lady I was speaking with didn’t recognize.
She didn’t recognize that she’s continuously negotiating. That means being aware of where one action will lead and how it will impact the next step. Planning your steps will give you insights into what you’ll need as you engage them.
Since she thought she never negotiated, there were no contingency plans for situations she might encounter. Always plan how you’ll act and react before entering situations. Women should consider how their gender might cause others to treat them. The more important the outcome, the more one should plan.
Her brother was an asset. His presence gave her unforeseen leverage. But since she didn’t know how to use it, she forewent that advantage. Sometimes, having the right person with you in a negotiation adds value to your effort. As a woman, consider how you might employ seen and unseen leverage in your negotiations.
When negotiating in what might be an awkward situation, consider allies to enlist to strengthen your position. Look for those that have skills that will offset those of the other negotiator.
Know Your Negotiation Counterpart:
Negotiators have different styles of negotiating. And some have differing thoughts about negotiating against women. To understand the type of negotiator you’re dealing with understand their mind.
Women have built-in advantages in most societies. And that’s their gender. In general, most men don’t think women can negotiate effectively. A woman can make that ill-thought a man’s peril. And that’s the hidden advantage. Women can take advantage of men’s perception by luring male counterparts into negotiation traps. Then, she can spring it before he realizes he’s trapped.
Some women are relieved when they negotiate against another woman. Don’t fall prey to this thought. As a woman, it can be tougher negotiating with some women than some men. Some women believe they have to be tough to be respected. And they won’t cut you slack because you’re the same gender.
Before engaging in what might be a tough negotiation, practice. Do so in mock negotiations. Everyone can benefit from them. But women can gain more enormous benefits by practicing with male counterparts that might act like those that she’ll face at the negotiation table.
Never discount the value of practicing. And never neglect the importance of mock negotiations. They can simulate real-life reality before it becomes that.
The lady with whom I spoke had a commonality with other women about negotiations. Some either fail to even recognize when they’re negotiating, or they ratchet down their negotiation efforts out of fear. In either case, they shortchange themselves. They also forgo opportunities that could bring benefits for those that are dearest.
The question becomes, as a woman, is being a better negotiator worth the effort that it’ll take to become more successful? Others are depending on you! Commit today to enhance your negotiation skills … and everything will be right with the world.
“Do You Know How To Avoid Negotiation Manipulation Mistakes”
Before they began the negotiation, he heaped constant prays on her. She blushed and wondered if he had a deeper affinity. Finally, she said, “okay, enough with the manipulation efforts – let’s get down to business.” To which he replied, “I’ve been discussing business all along.” That’s when she said in a snarky tone, “the way you were carrying on, I thought you wanted to date me.” At that, he became a little crestfallen. That’s when he realized his prays had been perceived as manipulation. He had made a big mistake! Do you know how to avoid negotiation manipulation mistakes?
Continue reading and you’ll discover how to avoid and use manipulation in your negotiations.
Manipulations – good – bad – it depends:
Whether someone feels manipulated depends on their perspective. If you ask most people what the definition of manipulation is, they’ll state that it’s a negative act. It can mean to advantage oneself based on the skill applied to do so. It can also mean to address with skill a process or treatment – in that case, it’s neutral – neither negative or positive.
Before engaging someone in a negotiation, understand their perspective of prays, deference, and appreciation of one’s achievements. And be mindful not to be perceived as effusive. You don’t want your intent to be misperceived.
Some negotiators begin a negotiation unaware of how their actions are being perceived. Those individuals should acquire greater negotiation skills.
Smart negotiators are aware that every action may be scrutinized to disclose hidden intents. They look for body language signals to indicate indifference to offers and counteroffers.
Being unobservant opens the door to misperception. When you observe signals that indicate you’re being perceived as brownnosing or deceitful, those may be signs that you’ve wandered into the realm of making manipulation mistakes. Seek feedback as to how you’re being perceived and if necessary, clarify your intent.
Body Language Observance:
When detecting perceived manipulation through someone’s body language, there are a few signs to observe.
Head-cock to either side – This gesture indicates interest. It may be saying, where’s this going? Take note of the number of times the head moves from one side of the body to the other. That’ll indicate a greater intent to gain more insight about what’s being said. Look for other signs to add deeper meaning to head-cocking gestures. Smiles, along with interruptions, can lend to that insight.
Smiles – A smile doesn’t necessarily mean agreement. With perceived manipulation, a smile may indicate, let’s see how far he’ll go. Or, I don’t believe he’s saying that. If you have doubt about a gesture’s significance, inquire about how it’s perceived. Some people find themselves on a slippery slope because they don’t recognize the first step. Don’t let that happen to you.
Interruptions – When someone interrupts you, they want to alter what they’re hearing. They may be asking you to cite your case differently for greater clarity. The point is, they’re seeking more information. Take heed. They may be signaling hidden thoughts that states they’ve become more attuned to what you’re saying. Understand why that’s so.
Manipulation can be an effective tool if it’s used correctly. To do so, understand the mindset of the other individual – and his boundaries about perceived effusiveness and lack of respect. Those boundaries will be the sweet spot to place your praise. Skirt those boundaries and you’ll venture into murky waters.
The best time to manipulate someone is when you slightly alter what they already believe to be true. It’s even better if you’ve established trust first. Thus, the more they see themselves in your reflection, the greater the opportunity for manipulation.
Please be aware not to abuse this technique. It can have deadly consequences in a negotiation. Always treat your opponent with the utmost respect. If you don’t intentionally manipulate someone towards harm, you’ll have greater negotiation outcomes … and everything will be right with the world.
“Great Negotiators Know How To Ask Good and Better Questions“
Some negotiators believe, there’s no such thing as a bad question. They believe all questions solicit additional information – information that you wouldn’t receive if the question went unasked. I don’t think that’s true!
Some questions weaken your negotiation position. They project a lack of perceived foresight. And they can allow openings for the other negotiator to take control. But you can turn some weak questions into better ones that benefit your negotiation position.
If you’re somewhat confused right now, how do you feel about your confusion? Do you possess a desire to discover more on this topic? Do you have some other need? That’s the power of questions. They can control the thoughts of the other negotiator and put you in a power position. Questions can also lead to the other negotiator pulling away from you. Thus, you must know how and when to use them.
This article delivers insights about when and how to ask better questions to improve your negotiation position.
A bad question is made worse by its timing. That can decrease the perception of your persona and make you appear weak. But what might appear to be a bad question posed with proper timing can gain a wealth of information. That would turn it into a good question.
When asking questions such as, how can I help you? Or, what can I do to assist – you display a lack of knowledge about the needs of the person you’re soliciting?
Nevertheless, there is a place for questions that may appear to be weak or lack specificity. You’d use them when they enhance the planned persona you wish to project. In such times, you’d use the mentioned questions as tools of positioning. Questions such as, how can I help you will cast a broader net. It will gain a deeper insight into the information you’re seeking.
Better questions solicit better information. And they heightened your sense of control as a negotiator. Such questions …
use what-if scenarios. What-if scenarios explore the realm of possibility. They don’t commit you to action unless the scenario is agreed on by all parties. Example – what if we lowered your cost and shipped the items early, could we close the deal today? If the other negotiator was in agreement, you’d have a deal. If she wasn’t, you will have gained insight into her negotiation position. Either way, you’ve gained valuable information.
challenge existing norms. When challenging popular beliefs, you’ll attract attention. Depending on how your questions are received you’ll become more influential. You might be placed in a position of having to defend your position, too. So, consider the types of questions you’ll use to challenge popular norms and how they’ll position you in the negotiation.
can’t be answered quickly. When asking questions that someone can’t readily answer, they go into thought mode. Depending on the environment, you can throw them a lifeline by answering the question yourself. Or, you can let them flounder. By allowing them to flounder, you allow others to view their lack of knowledge. That will decrease their perceived expertise. By saving them, they’re spared from floundering. That will ingratiate them to you.
Assumptive questions allow you to be perceived as possibly knowing more than you do. You can use them to test the other negotiator’s position or offer. To do so, make a statement that infers you have secret information. You can also make the statement sound like a question. Example – “You’ve given larger discounts in the past, correct?” After that, be very attuned to the response per the inflection in the voice and mannerisms displayed. Look for signs of agreement, lies, or doubt. If you sense either, probe deeper.
The questions asked determines the information that’s received. And the timing of those questions detracts from or enhances that information. To increase your ability to gather quality information in your negotiations, ask good timely questions that lead to better answers … and everything will be right with the world.
“How To Be A Better Solution Versus Issue Negotiator”
As a negotiator, do you consider the perspective of the other person? Do you assess to what degree he’s an issue versus solution-based negotiator? You should consider those questions. Because it will determine how he and you negotiate and the points he’ll stick to. Negotiators that are issue-based negotiate differently than solution-based negotiators.
In this article, you’ll discover why there are different styles of negotiations based on the issue versus solution sought outcomes. You’ll also gain insight to identify one style versus the other – and how to deal with either.
An issue-based negotiator is primarily concerned with promoting a cause that he’s defending. That makes him less likely to be open to logic or reasoning. And he’s usually the front-person for a larger entity that’s backing him. Example – as of this writing 97% of Americans would like to see more stringent gun background checks, measures to address that are blocked in the U.S. Senate by the gun lobby. Why? Because the gun lobby spends millions of dollars in campaign contributions to ensure politicians prevent such measures from becoming laws. Thus, to negotiate effectively, an entity needs to amass a force that’s equally as strong as the gun lobby – and one that’s willing to make equal monetary contributions. That’s how you’d offset the power of the gun lobby.
Therefore, when negotiating against an issue-based negotiator, consider looking for the weakness that lies in his supporters. They’re the source of his power and the power that you must address first. The negotiation strategies you use to do so will depend on the tenacity displayed by them to maintain their position. Your goal is to unseat them from their position.
Solution-based negotiators are a different breed from their issue-based counterparts. The former enters the negotiation genuinely seeking a solution. That’s not to say that the issue-based negotiator doesn’t seek a solution. He’s more zealous about getting you to agree with his position and less yielding. The solution-based negotiator is more flexible in his give-and-take to unearth solutions.
When negotiating with a solution-based individual, expose as much of your desires as you deem appropriate. Encourage him to do the same. Convey a genuine ambition to seek a mutually beneficial outcome. And display an openness that allows him to sense that he’s in a safe space. You want him to recognize that you won’t take advantage of him. The more secure he feels, the more information he’ll disclose about his position. To enhance this process, if you encounter misunderstandings, consider excepting the blame for it. Again, you should gear your efforts towards making him feel safe. Allowing him to experience blamelessness will enhance those efforts.
There is a point of caution to interject. If you sense your opponent views your willingness to be accommodating as weakness, stiffen your position. Become less tolerant and less forgiving. Throughout every negotiation, one is constantly positioning oneself. Make sure you’re constantly monitoring how you’re perceived and the adjustment the other negotiator makes. In turn, observe how he’s constantly repositioning himself per how he wishes you to perceive him.
Good negotiators attempt to advantage their position before they enter a negotiation. Less knowledgeable negotiators don’t seek such advantages. They become prey as a result of their haphazard negotiation ways. To gain an advantage in future negotiations, take into consideration whether you’ll be negotiating against an issue or solution-based negotiator. Doing so will give you insight into the type of plans to develop for the negotiation. That will give you a real advantage … and everything will be right with the world.
“Shoulder Shrugs Can Expose Scary Secrets In A Negotiation”
Have you heard the cliché, “what you don’t know can’t hurt you”? If you have, do you subscribe to it? If you do, you shouldn’t. Because, a lack of knowledge can expose you to scary secrets in a negotiation – secrets that can bite you at the most unsuspecting points in the negotiation. But, there’s one way you can protect yourself. How – by accurately interpreting the meaning of shoulder shrugs when you negotiate.
Shoulder shrugs convey secret information. They expose hidden thoughts of the person that’s attempting to hide those thoughts.
Observe the following shoulder shrug examples. You’ll obtain hidden information that those shrugs attempt to conceal.
When a person displays a shoulder shrug, it can represent a multitude of hidden meanings. It can be a sign of reluctance (i.e. what more do you expect of me) – a sign of protection (i.e. I’m not going to stick my neck out) – it can also be a sign of exasperation (i.e. I’m getting tired of this). Regardless of the hidden meaning, it gives additional insight into the thoughts of that person.
Single Shrug: A single shrug can denote a lack of full commitment in response to a question or statement made.
When displaying a single shoulder shrug, a person will tend to favor their dominant side. This is important to note – because it adds additional meaning to the shrug. As an example, if someone that’s right-handed shrugs their left shoulder, he may be displaying less of a commitment to the response that caused the gesture. As with everything related to reading body language, you must establish someone’s body language foundation before you can accurately assess the validity of their actions.
Double Shrug: A double shrug (both shoulders elevated) can connote more commitment to a reply or statement. As an example, if one elevated both shoulders while stating, “I didn’t do it”, she’d be displaying more commitment to the statement then if she displayed a single shrug – note: to discern the probability of the truth you should still probe deeper. The act of the shrug is that person’s commitment to her pronouncement at that moment – it can change with further probing.
When someone performs a double shrug, that person’s hands provide additional insights. As an example, if an offer is made consisting of two items and the recipient says, “I don’t care”, while shrugging with one hand higher than the other, he’s nonverbally expressing a preference for one of the items – the preference lies in the order the items were offered or their proximity to the hand that’s higher.
Additional Shrug Meanings:
Hands: The movement of someone’s hands lends insights into their thoughts. To gather additional awareness per the meaning of a shrug, take note of …
hands close to the body – indicates they’re guarded
hands palms-up – signals they have less to conceal
hands palms-down – they’re less accepting
hands palms-up-and-out – says, keep away from me
Head Tuck: To observe how threatened someone might feel when they shrug, note the degree they protect their head when …
head extends forward – says, I’ll challenge you
head to one side – denotes preference
head straight up – states, I’m willing to expose more of myself
head tucked – says, I’m making myself less of a target
Of course, the additional shrug meanings can conceal someone’s real intent. That’s because good negotiators can affect this maneuver to add perceived emotional credibility to their effect.
Always note the length of time a shrug lasts and the number of times they occur. The length and number of times will indicate a person’s ever-changing degree of angst or determination to get you to back off. In all cases, they’ll be signaling information that you can use to enhance the negotiation.
Start noticing when, under what circumstances, and how frequently people shrug their shoulders. Doing that will increase your attentiveness and skills about this behavior. That will allow you to become a better negotiator … and everything will be right with the world.
“Beware Silly Provocations – How To Hack Crisis Negotiations“
She wanted everyone to know that she was upset. Her language was foul, loud, and silly. She presented it as a provocation to induce hot drama. Its delivery occurred in a cool and calculated manner with the intent of inciting a crisis. One might think that occurred during a nasty negotiation – it happened in a small bank branch. And the occurrence was the pronouncements of a customer who at first demeaned a bank teller and then the branch manager.
In a negotiation, there are ways to hack situations such as what occurred with the foul silly-mouth customer. The following are a few of those hacks.
The individual in the bank repeatedly complained aloud about the possibility of her ‘personnel’ information being overheard by other customers – note that she meant her personal information – she claimed the teller asked for it to determine her identity. To the customer, that was an offense.
Hack: When dealing with people that appear to lack lucidity, assess if their demeanor is an act. Based on your assessment, be logical or illogical with them. Then, note the change in their demeanor. If they begin to use logic to strengthen their position, use logic in addressing them further. If they’re illogical, ask what they would do if they were in your position with the guidelines you’re working with. Either way, they’ll give you the solution to the problem. Thank them for it. And if it’s to your benefit, use it. If it’s not, excuse them or yourself from the surroundings.
Had the customer been in a different environment (e.g. church) and she’d not received the outcome sought, her demeanor more than likely would have been different. Thus, always consider the environment that one is in when they project certain conducts. And question if it would be the same if not in that setting.
In a negotiation, always consider the type of individual you’re dealing with. Evaluate to what degree she’s educated, a bully, embarrasses easily, or someone that never adopts shame for an action. That insight will give you a measure of understanding as to what type of personality you’re dealing with. That, in turn, will give you clues to how best to deal with that individual.
Educated – Everything being equal, people with higher levels of education can be dealt with at higher levels of reasoning.
Hack: Thus, if negotiating with someone of this ilk, try using logic to reason with them. They may not succumb to your behests. But you’ll have a greater chance of calming them before they become more irrational acting.
Bully – People with bully tendencies seek attention. They want to be perceived as someone that demands respect – in their mind they’re someone that others should not trifle with. Some negotiators will use bullying as a tactic – they’ll do so to determine how far they can push you.
Hack: If you sense someone’s attempting to use provocation as a bullying tool, stand your ground – act bravely! If you give in, they’ll push you harder and further.
Embarrassment – The person that embarrasses easily is on the opposite coin of the person that never adopts shame for her actions. The shameless person will attempt to project her antics to burrow into your psyche. By doing so, she assumes she’ll enhance the probability that you’ll acquiesce to her demands.
Hack 1: For the shameless person, don’t let her tactics effect you. Suggest aloud that you’re aware of her attempts – do so boldly! Then note to what degree she escalates or de-escalates the situation. If she escalates, she may be testing your resolve to determine its validity. What you do next will impact the rest of your interactions – choose wisely between upping your stance again or deflating it. If she de-escalates, she will have given you control. Make haste with it while softening your behavior as her reward.
Hack 2: For the person that embarrasses easily, temper her antics by raising the stakes – deal with her sternly but in degrees. She doesn’t want others judging her harshly. Thus, she won’t escalate a situation that causes her embarrassment – therein lies her vulnerability. Be cautious about appearing to take advantage of her. Anyone can become irrational when pushed too hard. That’ll make them less predictable, which could make a negotiation more difficult.
Provocations, silly or not, can occur in any negotiation. Controlled provocations are tools that good negotiators employ as a tactic. Having greater insight into hacking their efforts will prevent you from falling into their traps, while agilely avoiding hidden crises … and everything will be right with the world.
“How To Stop Crazy Negotiators From Killing Negotiations”
“That #negotiator was crazy. He made offers and then took them back. Worse, when you mentioned it, he acted like he didn’t know what you were referring to. I thought his antics would kill the #negotiation. How did you learn to deal with such crazy negotiators?” – said a junior member of a negotiation team to his team leader.
Everyone has encountered an experience such as mentioned. You engage in a negotiation assuming the other negotiator will act rationally. And instead, that person risks killing the negotiation because of his craziness. Such antics can leave you wondering if you’re dealing with a sane individual, someone that’s attempting to use ‘crazy’ as a tactic, or someone that’s just full of buffoonery. In either case, the following information will give you a format for dealing with such people.
Form of Communication:
If based on prior behavior, you believe you’ll be negotiating with someone that’s erratic, put as many components of the negotiation in place before sitting at the negotiation table. You want to leave as little to chance as possible. To do that, consider using written communications to outline what will be negotiated and to set the conduct boundaries before agreeing to meet. He may act unreasonably face-to-face. But if you’ve set prior parameters, you can point to them to illustrate when he’s out of bounds.
When dealing with an opposing team, the dynamics can be a little more daunting. That could be due, in part, to the team’s leader not having the control to manage it or any number of other variables.
Nevertheless, if you sense irrationality due to inner bickering amongst the opposing team, consider a divide and conquer strategy – play the strongest against the weakest and the weakest against the strongest. To do that, lend more credibility to an offer made by a weaker member – they should be speaking with one voice but remember, they’re bickering. You’re endeavoring to get the team to bicker more with one another to sow discontent.
When dealing with an individual, you need to know more about the forces that are motivating his actions. As an example, he may have been told to close a ridiculously difficult deal or lose his position with the organization. He may have inferred that he’d get a long-awaited promotion if the deal is within certain parameters. He may also be the setup for the next phase of the negotiation and not even be aware of that. Thus, he’s told to hammer you hard for a deal, only to have the deal supplanted by his superior who will assume the role of lead negotiator in the next phase. You think you’re dealing with one person that’s acting irrationally when, you’re really dealing with a team that could be playing good cop/bad cop – you just don’t know it. And that’s to your detriment.
To insulate yourself from such tactics:
Inquire about others in his environment that might be interested in the deal.
Have him confirm in writing that he has final approval to agree to a deal (watch his body language when doing this – if he displays any form of hesitancy, he may be sending a signal of discomfort. That could indicate that he’s not the final arbiter.)
Get him to commit in-writing every understanding that you have about a deal. Do this as you move from one phase of the negotiation to the next.
The point is, if he’s acting crazily, you want to identify the reason for such actions and eradicate them before investing a lot of time in the negotiation.
There are multiple numbers of ways to control a negotiator that appears to be crazy, irrational or one that attempts to bully you during a negotiation. When dealing with such, point out what’s at stake. Get their buy-in for the agreement and state the consequences as being huge and painful if broken. Doing so will lessen the chance that the crazy type of negotiator will get the best of you … and everything will be right with the world.
“Negotiator – How To Detect Hidden Danger In A Handshake”
“I didn’t come here to learn about handshakes. I came because I wanted to become a better #negotiator.” Those were the unfortunate comments of a seminar attendee. He didn’t realize that he’d overlooked a huge gambit in the negotiation process.
A #handshake conveys important information. The more people exchange them between one another, the more information they convey. It can say, I’m feeling overly optimistic today. It can say, my mood is somewhat deflated. It can also say that I’m going to dominate you because I feel superior today.
Very few people understand the value transmitted when they clasp someone’s hand. Are you aware of such messages when you shake someone’s hand?
After gaining insights from the following information, you’ll never look at, sense, or interpret a handshake as you’ve done in the past.
Some people equate a weak or wimpy handshake with someone of the same character. Be careful of the assumptions you make.
A weak or wimpy handshake may send a silent message of subservience. It can also be the disguise of someone that’s significantly stronger in character than the handshake conveys. It’s one tactic that good negotiators use to dupe the other negotiator into perceiving a false sense of weakness. That’s done to acquire insight into what the other negotiator might do once she sensed that she was dealing with a mentally weaker opponent.
If you wonder about the validity of such a person, shake hands several times during your interactions. Note the slightest degree of change in the firmness of their handshake. To the degree change occurs, it’ll serve as a barometer indicating a change in character.
The delivery of a bone-crushing handshake can be an attempt to display strength and dominance. It can be someone’s lack of recognition of their strength related to the hand they’re shaking. It could also be an attempt to conceal weakness.
I recall a business associate telling me that I shook his hand too hard. I knew I possessed a firm handshake but I’d not considered it to be bone-crushing. My associate reiterated his statement a few times. After that, I was always more attentive to not shaking his hand with the prior degree of intensity that I’d used before.
The point is, if you do have a firm handshake, know when to moderate it based on the circumstances. If someone delivers a bone-crushing handshake upon you, and it’s painful, consider saying something. Then, note if any change occurs. If it does, the person is displaying more alignment with you. If it doesn’t, the person doesn’t care how you feel. In either case, you will have gained valuable insight into the person.
The person controlling a handshake is the one that releases it last. A handshake on average last about five seconds. Thus, the person holding the hand of the other individual the longest is stating that they’re not ready to release that person.
Take note when someone extends a handshake pass what’s normal for the situation. They may be sending a subliminal message that they’re superior. They might also be holding your hand longer to comfort you or themselves. Therefore, note when such occurs and the situation in which it happens. Doing so will allow you to gain additional insight as to why they’re committing that act.
In every negotiation, note its beginning through the information sent via a handshake. If you become attuned to its intent, you’ll have greater insight into that person. That insight will add additional information about how you can negotiate better with them … and everything will be right with the world.