“Win More Negotiations: This is How to Use Humor as Your Secret Agent” – Negotiation Tip of the Week

“When used wisely, humor can become your secret agent gathering information behind your opponent’s line.” -Dr. Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert

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“Win More Negotiations: This is How to Use Humor as Your Secret Agent”

A horse, a pig, and a man walk into a bar to negotiate …

“The bartender looks up and says, ‘Why the long face?’ The horse replies, ‘We couldn’t agree on the carrot pricing.’ The man quips, ‘I told him he should stick to eating out of a trough!’ The pig adds, ‘Let’s just bacon out a deal already!’” You may not think that joke is funny, but there are subtleties in its messaging.

Stay with me, and you will see how humor can be used to send subliminal messages, its benefits, and the traps it can lead you into.

Introduction

Humor is often regarded as the best icebreaker and can be a powerful tool in negotiations, whether in a boardroom or family room. Effectively using humor can help diffuse tension, build rapport, and open channels for more honest communication.

For example, in the opening joke that you may have thought was not funny at all, there were three hidden messages in it.

1. The long-face reference to the horse could subliminally signal the other negotiator not to display such gestures, as they will not be received positively. In negotiation, that is positioning.  

2. The horse’s response about “carrot pricing” refers to a psychological pricing strategy designed to appeal to someone’s positive emotional side, unlike “stick pricing,” which seeks to motivate them from a loss or negative perspective.

3. The pig’s remarks about “bacon out a deal” means to save or rescue the deal from disaster with a sense of urgency (e.g., they saved my bacon).  

So, as you can see, the joke had a touch of whimsicalness, which could have set the negotiation on a livelier and more animated path.    

The Psychological Objectives of Joke-Telling in Negotiation

A joke in negotiation, especially a subtle one, is a psychological probe. It is about laughter and altering the opponent’s mental state.

A self-deprecating joke might subtly signal humility, softening the opposition’s defenses and making them question their rigidity. A joke highlighting a shared experience creates a sense of togetherness, momentarily blurring adversarial lines.

If the humor subtly points out a logical flaw in the other negotiator’s offer, their subconscious might register the inconsistency, even if they do not consciously acknowledge it. They might question their position, causing them to question their points. A well-placed, light joke can also create a brief emotional release, making them more open to compromise. The psychological impact depends on their interpretation, which the subtle joke seeks to influence.

How to Use Humor to Positively Impact Negotiations

Humor can keep negotiations moving forward. A well-timed joke can ease tensions, create a lighter environment, and help smooth out rough spots in the talks.

For instance, during a tense negotiation, instead of saying belligerently, “Is that your best offer?” You might say, “Can I have your ‘good friend’ deal?” This method can uplift the mood while still conveying your message.

It is crucial to read the room. Not everyone appreciates a comedian at the negotiating table. The appropriate cliché is, “Timing is everything.” This is especially true when it comes to humor in negotiations.

Humor’s Downside in Negotiations

Misusing humor in negotiations can be like walking into a bar and ordering a milkshake – it might not have the effect you are hoping for. Inappropriate jokes can offend, alienate, or fall flat, potentially damaging your credibility and the negotiation process.

Remember the pig from our opening joke? Imagine if he had said, “I’ll take the whole bottle. I’d rather not ‘boar’ you with small talk!” While he might have been trying to be funny with his play on words, it could easily be interpreted as a bit harsh or insincere – suggesting he finds the conversation dull. In the same way, humor that feels too pushy or dismissive during negotiations can miss the mark.

Boosting Your Negotiation Skills with a Dash of Humor

To successfully incorporate humor into negotiations, keep these tips in mind:

1. Hone your delivery: A well-timed joke is more likely to succeed.

2. Maintain relevance: Humor should be pertinent to the ongoing negotiation.

3. Be lighthearted: Be careful using humor when discussing controversial topics. That can lead to animosity.

4. Self-deprecation: Make yourself the butt of some jokes. That will signal that you are not afraid to make fun of yourself; just be mindful not to let it hurt your position.

5. Maintain thoughtfulness: If a joke does not feel right to you, do not tell it.

6. Learn from the masters: Observe how master negotiators use humor.

Telling an appropriate joke at the proper time promotes a positive environment. As the horse in the joke would say, “Don’t put the cart before the horse!”

Reflection

Effective negotiation humor is about connection, not deflection. As your secret agent, it can loosen up the “winner-take-all mindset” for everyone’s benefit (Thank you, @Howie Jacobson, for highlighting that fact.) while transforming adversaries into allies.

So, next time tension rises at your bargaining table, a well-timed quip might be your secret agent’s ace in the hole.

I often bring donuts to my negotiations – it is hard to drive a tough bargain when your mouth is full of glazed goodness. I call it my ‘sweet deal strategy’ – 60% of the time, it works every time.” Try it, and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, “You’re always negotiating!”

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After reading this article, what are you thinking? I’d like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com

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