“If you don’t know what to be fearful of, or why you fear it, you’ll be susceptible to fearing some things that you should not fear.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert
“What Causes Fear In You”
What causes you to become fearful, when are you most fearful, and depending on its severity, how do you deal with it?
… ‘This is really messed up. I’m really afraid!’ Those were the words that a friend stated to me. He was speaking of a situation that had instilled fear in him. When I probed to understand why he was fearful, he said he wasn’t sure, but, he had a gut feeling to be cautious.
Fear ignites a sense to protect yourself. It may do so to prevent what’s perceived as being harmful. It may also do so to keep you within the boundaries that you deem to be mentally safe; just an FYI, preventing what’s perceived as being harmful and keeping you within the boundaries that you deem to be mentally safe are two separate thoughts. They stem from two different sources of motivation. I point that out as something to be cognizant of (i.e. what really causes fear to become born within you and then what causes the flame of angst to burn brighter).
We come into the world with only two fears. They are the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. The rest of what we learn of fear becomes a part of us that we obtain as we go through life.
It’s important to know what you fear because without knowing, you don’t know what to combat. Without knowing, you don’t know why you’re fearful. Without knowing, you don’t know if what you fear is real.
As you go throughout your daily activities, pay more attention to what at first appears to be angst, anxiety, an uncomfortable feeling, or whatever label you assign to the beginning of uneasiness. That will be the conscious point that fear begins to grip you. If you note when fear begins to grip you, you’ll have a greater chance of defeating it, before it has a greater chance of defeating you.
Here’s the point. Once you consciously recognize that fear has a hold on you, it’s already elevated from your subconsciousness to your consciousness. That means it was already living in your psyche like a virus waiting to potentially harm you. The sooner you recognize it, the sooner you can deal with it. The sooner you deal with it, the less severe it will be. The less severe it is, the better you’ll be able to control what occurs in your life … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
In a negotiation, fear is always at the heart of broken deals, impasses, and the impediment to a successful negotiation outcome. Sometimes, you’re right to be fearful. If that’s the case, you need to identify the source of those feelings. Even if it’s imaginary, there’s a problem because of the way you’re thinking.
In a negotiation, once you become fearful, take note and assess to what degree it will impede the negotiation. Based on its severity address it then, or put it to the side to possibly be addressed later. Don’t ignore it until and unless your sense the fear has abated.
What are you thinking? I’d really like to know. Reach me at Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com
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Remember, you’re always negotiating.
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