“Hidden Meanings in Life and Negotiations”
When interacting with someone initially, are you always aware of their real thoughts, the real meanings of their words? When people are unsure of how their message will be received, they speak in code. For whatever reason that’s prevalent at that time, some people may avoid direct and open communication for fear of being perceived in a less than otherwise flattering light. This can cause them to disguise the real meaning of their words until they observe how you might perceive their message. This hesitancy can also be the time they need to acquire the courage required to discuss what’s really on their mind.
So, how can you encourage them ‘speak their mind’, or nudge them from their cocoon, while allowing them to feel safe to do so?
When you sense someone needs to be coaxed to deliver the hidden meaning of their words, treat them gently. Don’t display aggressive behavior indicating that you want them to ‘hurry it up’. The calmer and less aggressive you appear in such situations, the safer the other person will feel, which will promote them disclose the real meanings of their words; this will occur sooner than otherwise if they sense you won’t berate or rebuke them.
Be very aware that you’ll be sending, and they’ll be sensing, other nonverbal gestures you make. Thus, be aware of you hand movements (no quick gestures), facial gestures (no frowns, or ‘sad’ eyes), or signs of disgust (exhaling with force, etc.) Such actions will send the message that you’re beginning to tire of their hesitancy to communicate effectively with you, which may cause them to retreat back into the safety of their shell.
Life can be easy if you don’t make it too difficult.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
Until you know the real thoughts of the people you negotiate with (you’re always negotiating), you don’t know the real source(s) that motivates them. Seek to understand, confirm your understanding, and then seek to be understood.
When negotiating make sure you’re the player and not the one being played (i.e. the other person’s slow delivery of their intended message is not a ploy to throw you off the path you’re on for the negotiation). In so doing, you’ll be in the driver seat directing the negotiation towards the outcome you seek … and everything will be right with the world.
Remember, you’re always negotiating!
The Master Negotiator &
Body Language Expert