“How To Avoid Danger From Being A Strong Negotiator”
Some negotiators emit weakness when they’re negotiating. There’s danger in doing that. Other negotiators exude strength. There’s danger in that, too. A successful negotiator knows how to project power while avoiding the threat of being perceived as overbearing, stubborn, or unrelenting. They also know when to appear robust and when to appear weak.
The following are ways that you can be a strong negotiator while avoiding danger and becoming more successful in your negotiations.
First, be mindful of the negotiator type with whom you’re negotiating. Some negotiators will view you as an opponent or adversary, while others will see you as an advisor or friend. It’s essential to identify and know the different characteristics displayed by negotiators. That’ll determine how you’ll negotiate with them.
Adversary Versus Advisor:
If a negotiator perceives you as too overbearing, he may become obstinate. When you appear weak, some negotiators will take advantage of you. So, you must know when to adopt the right persona. You can determine that by how the other negotiator sees you versus how you wish him to view you.
When dealing with someone that notes you as an adversary, his mindset is, he’s in a rigorous engagement, and there’s only one winner, him. With this type of negotiator, stand your ground. Challenge him before making concessions. Make him earn what he receives. That will enhance the respect he has for you and your abilities.
When viewed as an advisor or friend, display a demeanor of agreeability. You want this negotiator type to feel at ease with you. Create a climate whereby ideas are free to be exchanged. That will encourage that person to be more amenable to your offers, thoughts, and ideas. Also, he won’t feel threatened when you propose something that may appear to be out-of-bounds.
When projecting strength or weakness, know when to switch roles. Displaying the advisor role (e.g., I’d like to gather a little more information so I can best determine how I might meet your request), is an excellent way to break the frame. It’ll allow you to morph from a position of weakness to strength or vice versa. Be sure to change your demeanor when doing so. Do that by adjusting your body language to meet the new image that you project.
As an example, if you’re acting the role of a competent person and you switch to a weaker one, sit smaller in your chair. Do that by slouching, and drawing your body closer to itself as though you were afraid.
To project an image of strength, expand the space you’re occupying. Accomplish that by increasing the size of your body, and making big gestures when you speak. You can also move your objects further away. You want to occupy more space to appear more confident. That nonverbal gesture states that you feel comfortable and unafraid of anything in the environment.
You can also use inflections in your voice to cast the appropriate demeanor. Do that by placing a stronger or weaker inference on the words that are most important to you. That will add value to your persona.
Like everything in life – the more you know about the environment you’ll be in and the people in it, the better prepared you can be for what might occur. Knowing how to move back and forth stealthfully, from a forceful negotiator image to one less dynamic, will allow you to have more influence over the negotiation. Plus, you won’t have to worry about being perceived as an ogre when you adopt a more rigorous personality. That will keep the negotiation wolves away from your door, those that would seek retribution for you being too strong against them … and everything will be right with the world.
“Danger: Are You Being Easily Stopped By Your Thoughts”
He looked around and had a sense of foreboding. He wasn’t sure why the feeling existed nor its source. But he felt the grip of danger – as he became paralyzed by immobility. Suddenly, the alarm clock sounded. It was then that he realized he was having a bad dream – or was he? He wondered what the thoughts of his dream meant.
Thoughts can move you to action – they can also stop you. How then might you know when to act and when to allow inactivity to be supreme? This article gives you insights about that. It highlights when to stop and when to move forward on your thoughts.
Perception of Thoughts:
Some thoughts are more profound than others – they secrete an inner sense of urgency. You may not be able to identify why you have a sensation, but don’t ignore it. More than likely, you’re sensing some form of motivation that’s beckoning your attention. Attempt to hone the source of those signals. Once identified, the hidden message may reveal itself. If you can’t identify it, let it rest – if it subsides and doesn’t return, it may lack importance – if it resurrects itself, there may be more substance to it. Once again, seek to understand its summoning trigger – this time give it more credence in your attempt to identify its meaning. There’s a reason it’s calling you – identify it.
“I knew that was going to happen. I had a sense of Déjà vu.” Have you had such sensations – whereby you felt like you were reliving an experience that you were encountering for the first time? If so, that was most likely your intuition motioning to you.
When you’re unaware of a sensational experience, it may reside at a subconscious level – it doesn’t register within your state of consciousness. Nevertheless, when such emotional signals reach for your attention, take note – like motion, your attention seeks to assess potential danger – your body wants to be in a state of comfort.
Once you make an assessment and determine that you’re in a safe space, resume your normal activities. Do so only if your actions are moving towards your goals. If they’re not, question why your thoughts were drawn to what you’re contemplating – was there a message that you overlooked? Before dismissing the thought, make sure you’re not dismissing a call to action. If you identify that call, you will have identified the intent of your intuition.
You can also gain insight from your past actions – they should be based on your prior emotional queues. Just remember that previous circumstances may not lead to the same outcomes in the future. In observing your past action history, note similarities in your previous thought process and how they might align with your present thoughts. The real purpose of assessing your action history is to have it assist in raising your dominant thought to prominence. They’ll be points as to which direction to take in your assessment.
In every aspect of your life, your thoughts are what leads you upon one path versus another. As you learn to control your thoughts, you’ll discover new ways to put yourself on a better path … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
In a negotiation, your thought process causes you to conflate past occurrences with present situations. Thus, based on the outcome sought in the current negotiation, your assessment will cause you to adopt one action versus another. Therefore, by quickly making an assessment about the danger or lack of in a situation, you become more adaptable in the negotiation. And that will give you an edge in every negotiation you’re in.
“Negotiator – How To Detect Hidden Danger In A Handshake”
“I didn’t come here to learn about handshakes. I came because I wanted to become a better #negotiator.” Those were the unfortunate comments of a seminar attendee. He didn’t realize that he’d overlooked a huge gambit in the negotiation process.
A #handshake conveys important information. The more people exchange them between one another, the more information they convey. It can say, I’m feeling overly optimistic today. It can say, my mood is somewhat deflated. It can also say that I’m going to dominate you because I feel superior today.
Very few people understand the value transmitted when they clasp someone’s hand. Are you aware of such messages when you shake someone’s hand?
After gaining insights from the following information, you’ll never look at, sense, or interpret a handshake as you’ve done in the past.
Some people equate a weak or wimpy handshake with someone of the same character. Be careful of the assumptions you make.
A weak or wimpy handshake may send a silent message of subservience. It can also be the disguise of someone that’s significantly stronger in character than the handshake conveys. It’s one tactic that good negotiators use to dupe the other negotiator into perceiving a false sense of weakness. That’s done to acquire insight into what the other negotiator might do once she sensed that she was dealing with a mentally weaker opponent.
If you wonder about the validity of such a person, shake hands several times during your interactions. Note the slightest degree of change in the firmness of their handshake. To the degree change occurs, it’ll serve as a barometer indicating a change in character.
The delivery of a bone-crushing handshake can be an attempt to display strength and dominance. It can be someone’s lack of recognition of their strength related to the hand they’re shaking. It could also be an attempt to conceal weakness.
I recall a business associate telling me that I shook his hand too hard. I knew I possessed a firm handshake but I’d not considered it to be bone-crushing. My associate reiterated his statement a few times. After that, I was always more attentive to not shaking his hand with the prior degree of intensity that I’d used before.
The point is, if you do have a firm handshake, know when to moderate it based on the circumstances. If someone delivers a bone-crushing handshake upon you, and it’s painful, consider saying something. Then, note if any change occurs. If it does, the person is displaying more alignment with you. If it doesn’t, the person doesn’t care how you feel. In either case, you will have gained valuable insight into the person.
The person controlling a handshake is the one that releases it last. A handshake on average last about five seconds. Thus, the person holding the hand of the other individual the longest is stating that they’re not ready to release that person.
Take note when someone extends a handshake pass what’s normal for the situation. They may be sending a subliminal message that they’re superior. They might also be holding your hand longer to comfort you or themselves. Therefore, note when such occurs and the situation in which it happens. Doing so will allow you to gain additional insight as to why they’re committing that act.
In every negotiation, note its beginning through the information sent via a handshake. If you become attuned to its intent, you’ll have greater insight into that person. That insight will add additional information about how you can negotiate better with them … and everything will be right with the world.
“Negotiator Beware of The Hidden Danger In Free Value”
As a negotiator, what do you consider when you hear free? Do you think about the hidden danger that may lurk in something that’s free? Sure, there could be value in the offer, but you should also beware of the hidden danger in anything that’s free.
When you hear the word free, your brain goes into a sense of euphoria. The endorphins begin to flow at the thought of receiving something for nothing. In such a mindset, you can become susceptible to lowering your guard. Doing that can leave you vulnerable to unsuspecting ploys. That can occur even when you’ve planned how you’ll address such offers. When you find yourself in such quandaries, consider the following.
What’s the offer attempting to achieve:
People are motivated by their aspirations. Thus, during a negotiation when offers are extended, a goal is at the purpose of that offer. If you’re aware of that intent, you’ll be in a better position to assess its potential value. Offers are not equal. Don’t let one that appears to be free become too costly for you to accept. Examine it thoroughly.
What’s to be gained:
Sometimes, acquiring a concession in a negotiation can add value to your overall goals. If the concession appears not to contain a cost, its allure may become bewitching. Be cautious when such appears to be the case. Good negotiators accumulate chits that they can use at other points in the negotiation. Thus, while you’re receiving what appears to be free, what you’re really receiving could be an IOU.
The timing of the offer:
The timing of an offer can obscure hidden dangers. If the intent is to obtain a greater concession, a negotiator may seek smaller ones to build towards the larger one. Thus, in some cases, positioning may be the goal. That means, offering something for free may be the setup or cover up for something to come.
Always be aware of where a concession or request may lead. Since negotiations are the accumulations of gains and concessions, you don’t want to make a concession thinking that it will lead to more gains. Or, acquire gains that are too costly, compared to the concessions you make to acquire them.
What do you have to concede:
In every negotiation, good negotiators have red herrings to use as chits or diversions. They can serve as bartering pieces that don’t contain a burdensome cost to you, or as distracters from the real intent of your offer. In a best-case scenario, a red herring should be perceived as something of value that you possess that can be dangled as a sought-after desire that the other negotiator wants. The more he’d like to possess it, the greater its perceived value will be. Thus, if it doesn’t cost you anything to relinquish, you can heighten its appeal by feigning great concern to part with it. The point is, don’t weaken red herrings by relinquishing them too easily. Doing so will weaken your negotiation position.
There’s a cost associated with everything we acquire, even if it’s just the time that we invest. Because time itself has a cost. If you keep in mind that nothing’s free, you’ll maintain a more prepared mind to assess the hidden cost and hidden dangers that may be concealed in free offers. Doing so will make you a better negotiator … and everything will be right with the world.
“When it comes to an ‘us versus them’ mentality, potential danger looms in the inability to understand ‘them’.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert
“The Danger In The ‘Us Versus Them’ Dilemma”
“If we stick together, we can overcome them.” Those were the words of a devoted follower of his group. That is, he was a follower until he realized that he did not want to follow the group in the direction it was going.
There’s danger in the ‘us versus them’ mindset; it’s a dilemma people don’t realize when they’re in it. So, what is that danger and why should you be mindful of its pitfalls?
Psychologically, everyone needs to belong to an entity that’s larger than themselves. That’s not the dangerous part of the dilemma; the danger lies in the degree that you’re willing to follow the group, based on your own beliefs, and the confliction that might be caused as the result of those two being out of sync with one another. It also highlights what can occur, per how you view what the group terms as enemies of its norms. You hear that in the intonation of, “they’re not like us.” Therefore, something must be wrong with them.
If one adopts the latter mindset, their mind becomes clouded by the prominent thought that someone that doesn’t share the same norms as the group that they belong to, must be ‘missing the boat’ (i.e. not seeing something right). Once such a mindset is adopted, you’ll seek confirmation in the actions of those that are unlike your group, to confirm why you can’t treat them like you treat members of your group. In essence, your mind will have been jaded to receiving positive thoughts and ideas that might otherwise allow you to see ‘the others’ in a positive light.
If you want to be more open-minded, do so by believing, and allowing your thoughts to be moved by, the thinking that people may have different opinions and perspectives about something, but because they do, that doesn’t make them wrong or a bad person.
When it comes to ‘us versus them’, keep an open mind with the intent to discover something new about the perspective being discussed. Doing so will allow you to gain more insight into anything that you weigh. That will make you a more informed individual … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
In a negotiation, you should always be mindful as to how you’re being influenced by the biases you have, towards the person making the proposal or offer. Even if you don’t like the initial offer, don’t let your initial emotions alter its appearance. There may be more than meets the eye, if you keep an open mind and consider any hidden benefits the offer might contain.
Good negotiators are aware that they can control a negotiation better, by controlling themselves. When it comes to, ‘us versus them’ in a negotiation, such a demeanor will only serve as a blight on an otherwise more successful negotiation outcome.
“In order to negotiate better, you must enhance your ability to focus on the known and even more so on the unknown.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert
“Trump-Comey To Negotiate Better Focus On The Mind”
President Trump should have considered how former FBI Director Comey thinks before engaging in the latest round of negotiations (You’re always negotiating!). To negotiate better, always consider the mindset of the other negotiator. Doing so will allow you to focus better on the appropriate negotiation strategy.
Who is he? What does he focus on when negotiating? Those are just a few questions that you should ask yourself every time you enter into negotiation. Such questions help you to hone in on the mind of the other negotiator. It causes you to focus on how he thinks, which will give you insight into what he might do during the negotiation.
I wonder if the president was aware of posing such questions to himself when thinking about how he’d deal (negotiate) with former FBI Director Comey.
Questions like, who is he, what mindset does he possess, and what is that mindset based on, may appear to be so benign to one’s thought process that such questions don’t get the well-deserved recognition that should be afforded them. Had the president pondered such questions in more depth, he might have adopted a different posture in dealing with Comey.
Here’s another point to consider when thinking about the way the other negotiator thinks. When you’re negotiating with someone or a group of people, you’re not just negotiating with them, you’re also negotiating with those not at the negotiation table. Pause! Depending on your negotiation skill level, you may have just thought or said to yourself, I know that. Here’s the point and it’s also the intent of this article, think deeper! If you thought my statement about considering how the other negotiator thinks, related to who is not at the negotiation table that has a stake in the negotiation, you’re right, half right.
The ‘think deeper’ aspect means to think about the people your negotiation counterpart has negotiated with in the past. Those encounters have helped shape his opinions, his sense of perception, his tolerance for risk, in essence, they will have helped shape his mind and his thought process. All of that will impact and determine how he negotiates with you.
When President Trump took on former FBI Director Comey, it appears the president did not consider the long-standing practices and processes that the former director engaged in throughout his career. Such processes like documenting what occurred in meetings (which left paper trails), and having practiced with many bureaucrats throughout his career should have given the president cause to think deeper about his attempts to sway Comey’s opinions one way or the other. Instead, some say, the president attempted to use bullying tactics cloaked in veil threats (e.g. he (Comey) better hope there are not tapes), in an attempt to get his way. Based on the tactics the president has used in the past, it’s assumed he thought they’d work again.
When negotiating, always consider the totality of the other negotiator’s mind. You may not know everything that went into the makeup of the mindset he possesses but the more you do know, the better your chances will be at crafting a winning negotiation strategy … and everything will be right with the world.