“Are You Cruel When You Weaponize Time In Your Negotiation“
For the last three months, the two teams negotiated fiercely against each other – they were vicious – they lost the pretense of civility after the first month. At times, flared tempers had driven them to cruelty. Then, out of frustration or despair, the lead negotiator of one team said to his counterpart, in an extremely cruel tone, either you accept our offer within the next three days or we’ll leave this negotiation and never return! With that edict, time was weaponized. He’d unleashed a ticking time bomb that would blow the negotiation up unless someone defused the situation. And, the way he made his pronouncement left him no wiggle room to save face.
How do you use time to advance your negotiation position – it’s one of the most precious commodities a negotiator has. The following thoughts are ideas about how you can use time to enhance your efforts.
Some negotiators attempt to use time to create a sense of urgency (e.g. sale ends tomorrow, get it now – I only have ‘x’ amount of time to conclude this deal). In those situations, its use is an attempt to force the opposing negotiator to take immediate specific actions. The challenge is, what to do if the action sought doesn’t occur by the stated deadline – you’re left in a weakened position if you must present a lame excuse for why the deal is still available. Unless you’re ready to confront the consequences, don’t make hard-time declarations like the leader of team one.
When you use time deadlines to create a sense of urgency, leave yourself wiggle room to escape if your demands go unmet. To do that, instead of stating a hard deadline (e.g. the sale ends tomorrow) state a softer one (e.g. the sale is ending soon). The sense of urgency is not as great in the second situation – but you’re less likely to back yourself into a corner.
Overcoming Imposed Deadlines:
Deadlines can lead a negotiation to a slow death. Thus, you must be careful when they’re issued. When confronted by a time deadline –
Watch your time – Be mindful of the time you invest in the negotiation. Psychologically, the more time you spend negotiating, the more likely you’ll be to stay engaged. That can make you more susceptible to falling prey to time constraints. If you don’t think the negotiation has redemption, exit it. And do that sooner versus later.
Control emotions – When negotiating, the more you control your emotions, the more control you’ll have of the negotiation. Time is a factor that weighs on a negotiator’s mind. Thus, to combat it, control its perspective and the emotional stress it places on you. Never let time go unobserved – that’s a factor of control.
Have a backup – You can relieve pressure when you have alternative options – having them can be the release valve to the pressure of time. If you have alternative options and you suspect the other negotiator may be weaponizing time, don’t expose your backup plans (e.g. if I can’t get it from you, I can get it from the other dealer – and it may be less) – Doing that may momentarily stun the other negotiator but you will have also given him another point to attack you (i.e. finding out how viable your backup might be). If need be, let his deadline pass and see what he does. He’ll expose his strategy by disclosing how sincere the deadline was.
In every negotiation, negotiators seek actions to control their counterpart – weaponizing time is one of those actions. To be more successful in your negotiations, be observant of time, know what to do when you’re confronted by time deadlines, and be cautious when issuing them. Time is a negotiator’s precious commodity, use it wisely … and everything will be right with the world.
He was pompous, screamed at others while demeaning them, and not well-liked – most of his associates detested him! Some wondered if that was why he’d been stuck in the same management position for over a decade. Plus, he was not a good negotiator – he lacked insight on how to use power. He used bullying tactics with his subordinates (i.e. you’d better do this or else), and veiled threats to delude his peers to get what he wanted. Everyone collectively swore they’d get even with him. And one day they did.
Do you know how to be a powerful negotiator?
Sources of Power and How To Use It:
Voice inflection – There’s power, or lack of, in the way you speak. You can make a statement that sounds like a question or a question that sounds like a statement simply by the inflection in your voice. To sound more powerfully, apply a deeper tone to your voice when emphasizing words of greater importance. This is especially true when negotiating. A deeper tone on, that’s my best price, conveys more conviction to your statement.
Positioning – Whether it’s your physical proximity to others or the proximity of your words, what proceeds your words impacts their perception. Therefore, be mindful of when you speak. If you speak after someone has delivered a rousing proposal, your words may be received with less enthusiasm. The same is true of your physical proximity to others. If you’re physically close to someone with power, your words will carry greater weight simply because of that proximity. Others will assume that there’s a sense of power bestowed upon you from the power person in the environment.
When negotiating, consider the order of your offers and their alignment with people of power. You can also make a prior offer appear to be better by downgrading the one that follows it – in that case, your message states that the trajectory of the offers to follow will become progressively worse.
Manipulation – A negotiator can gain momentary power through manipulation (for this purpose, the word manipulation is neutral – it’s not good or bad). One can use it to feed the other negotiator’s desires by embellishing the item he seeks from you. By doing that, you heighten his sense to acquire it.
To embellish an item, highlight how the other negotiator will feel, and/or appear to others once he’s acquired it. Take note of his body language as you make your summation. If he slips into a dream-like state while smiling and becoming dreamy-eyed, he’s also imagining the great sensation he’ll experience once he’s acquired your offer – you got him! Continue down that path and extract whatever he’s willing to forgo to acquire the offer. Be careful not to turn embellishment into a lie. That might come back to haunt you.
Likeability – Never underestimate the hidden value of likeability. It’s a factor that has swayed many negotiators. I’ve seen lower offers accepted because of it. It’s easy to be likable with most people – just be pleasant. Warning – with some bully types, you’ll have to meet power with power. Thus, the likeability factor may be a detriment. Instead, seek to become respected – respect will be the source that cedes greater power to you.
You’re always negotiating:
In the situation with the manager, mentioned at the beginning of this article, others did exact their toll on him. It occurred when subordinates and his peers combined forces – they informed senior management that they’d no longer work with him. The manager didn’t realize that he’d been negotiating with those folks during his tenure with the company. He used his power recklessly. And now their power was coming to bear against him – senior management fired him.
I love to observe people with power. To be specific, I note how they use it, to whom they extend it, and how they’re altered by it. It’s said that power doesn’t change you – it amplifies who you really are. To that point, always keep in mind, the way you treat people impacts their perception of you. Thus, if they perceive you as an ogre, they’ll be less inclined to assist you in achieving your goals. Therefore, use the sources of power as partners in your negotiations – they’ll increase the perception of you being a powerful person. That will lead to more powerful negotiation outcomes … and everything will be right with the world.
“Powerful Body Language Secrets That You Need To Know”
He was overly impressed with her and her accomplishments. His embrace was meant to display just that – his swell of pride for her. But during the embrace, he felt her attempt to break free as a hostage might do at the first glimpse of freedom. He wondered what he’d done wrong. Later he commented to her about the embrace – and the perception he had of her breaking free. She smiled and said, at least you were aware of it – most people aren’t. I don’t like being hugged.
How attuned are you to the #body #language #secrets that people emit every day? If you are aware of such signals, what do you observe the most and why?
The following are a few body language insights that will allow you to understand people better and become a better communicator.
The gesture becomes displayed when someone shifts their head to the right or left after its been in a straight or opposite position. It’s interesting to note when it occurs because it denotes someone going into an inward evaluation. Thus, the gesture may originate from something you said or thoughts the person is contemplating.
One eyebrow cocked – This sign usually indicates inquisitiveness as to the possible believability of what’s said or outright skepticism.
Lowered eyebrows – Guarded, deception, annoyance, are the signs that this gesture indicates.
Raised eyebrows – Taking in more of the environment – can also denote surprise or interest (note the degree that the eyes widen – that’ll give you more information as to the thought of the person displaying the gesture.)
Palm Hand Gestures:
Hand up, palm facing out –The hand up and palm facing outward signals nonverbally to the other person to halt what they’re saying or doing. As the receiver of that action, you can gauge the degree of the intent by the distance the action extends from the other person’s body. As an example, if they commit the action and their hand is close to their body, the signal is not as strong as if they had a full-body extension of their hand – that would be a stronger gesture because they’re indicating a greater distance between themselves and what you’re saying or doing.
Palm up and open – Accepting, mentally open to receiving information – can also be internal mental contemplation. It can also be a sign of consternation – this occurs if hunched shoulders accompany the gesture.
As a body language signal, feet convey more information than most people are aware of. Thus, you should always be mindful of what someone’s feet are signaling.
Feet aligned – When your feet are in alignment with the person with whom you’re engaged (i.e. both sets of feet are pointing at each other), both of you are succinctly engaged with one another – you’re in mental alignment.
Foot pointing away – As someone points a foot away from you, they’re shifting their weight because:
Something else has attracted their attention.
They’ve received enough information from you for the time.
Soon, they’re going to exit the conversation and do so in the direction their foot is pointed in.
Take note of when such gestures occur. Doing so will allow you the insight to shift and control the conversation.
At the beginning of this article, I posed the question of how attuned are you to the body language secrets that people emit every day. As you see, there are many signals that you might observe. And, if you’re aware when such signals occur, you’ll have greater insight into the mindset of the people you interact with. That will allow you to better understand them and communicate more effectively. Plus, it’ll give you an insider’s roadmap into their thought process and where it’s headed. That too will allow you to help them upon their journey or exit because you choose not to accompany them. Either way, you’ll have greater control of the environments you’re in … and everything will be right with the world.
He had a stomach swirling feeling. It was an internal alarm indicating that he was out of his comfort zone. At that point, he didn’t feel overly exasperated. Nevertheless, he knew he had to control his level of discomfort. He knew such feelings matters to one’s emotional wellbeing.
Are you aware of when your state of comfort is challenged – when your levels of uneasiness begin to alter your perspective and behavior? You should – those are the points at which you might begin to engage in negative behavior. And that’s why it matters.
The following are thoughts to consider to improve your comfort level and enhance your mental wellbeing. You’ll also uncover insights about your thought process. That will allow you to discover more about what matters to you and why.
Importance of Comfort:
Comfort, it’s something you constantly seek but don’t think a lot about until you become uncomfortable. You should note it more frequently. Because when it’s altered, your stability and wellbeing can become mired in self-emotional conflict. That can make you feel awkward in some environments. Not only should you know your level and degree of comfort, but you should also know what triggers it to go up or down. That insight allows you to gain greater control of yourself and the environments you’re in.
Going forward, note your emotional change based on your environments. Seek to understand why you feel more comfortable in some situations versus others. Before entering those that might cause you to experience discomfort, think about how you might obtain greater control of yourself and the environment. Look for common variables that you can use to become emboldened to assist in your assessment. By doing that, you’ll become empowered and gain an insightful introspection about yourself.
In considering your state of comfort, consider your current state of mind. Ask yourself why you have such feelings – what caused them – and what you might be associating from past occurrences that may be shadowing your perception. If you’re conflating past occurrences, especially if they’re negative, realize that you might be placing too much emphasis on the past. Separate the occurrence. Assess whether it causes the degree of angst as before the separation. You will have begun to control past triggers that might negatively sway your perspective. Doing that should allow you to become more at ease.
Controlling Your Mind Controls The Environment:
Before entering an environment, you have expectations about what might occur – how you might feel and what you might do. If it’s a new environment, you might experience a higher degree of angst than those that you’re more familiar with. Regardless of your emotional state, reassure yourself that more than likely you’ll live through the situation that you’ll find yourself in. Thus, there’s nothing worse than death that’ll occur to you. Anything other than that is okay. So, assuage your mind – focus on the fact that you’ll learn something from being in that surrounding. By thinking like that, you’ll relieve the pressure from overthinking what might occur and how you’ll fair. That should allow you to mentally perceive yourself as flowing freer in the environment. You’re going to be a rock star … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
The negotiation process is about comfort and discomfort. When a negotiator feels comfortable about an offer or concession, he’s more likely to continue upon the same path. Conversely, one can use pain and discomfort as a tool to motivate the opposing negotiator to alter the path he’s on. Thus, the tool of comfort and how it’s used during a negotiation is something that you should give with great consideration. If you overlook it, you overlook an ally that you can use to advantage your negotiation position. Smart negotiators don’t waste this tool. Are you a smart negotiator?
“Killer Insights That Will Make You A Better Negotiator”
There are factors that determine the degree of success you’ll have in a #negotiation. Those factors are what will also make you a good #negotiator or one that’s significantly better. The following are a few of those #killer #insights and how to use them to your advantage in a negotiation. Using them will ensure that you have a #better negotiation outcome.
Where you negotiate can have hidden advantages for the person controlling that environment. But there are also ways to control an environment that you’re not in control of.
Your environment – When you control the environment, you can control the temperature, lighting, and other creature features that would make one more comfortable while negotiating. If the negotiation becomes tense, you can increase or lower the temperature in the environment to coincide with the adjustments you want the other negotiator to make (e.g. he gets heated, you turn the room temperature up or down to make him hotter or colder).
Not your environment – When you don’t have control of the environment, if things become intense, you can offer to change venues. If it’s accepted, you will gain the advantage of not being in the environment that the other negotiator controlled. Plus, he will have allowed you to take the lead simply by his acquiesces.
The way you position yourself before a negotiation determines how someone perceives you – it will also play an important role in the way you’re treated. If you position yourself as a tough guy, a tough guy negotiator type may treat you harshly – that’s his form of protecting against you perceiving him as being weak. If you position yourself as being weak, the tough guy may attempt to take advantage of you, while the weak type of negotiator may become emboldened to become more aggressive.
For the best positioning, consider the negotiation style (e.g. hard, soft, meek, bully) that your opponent may use – and assess which negotiation style you should adopt to offset any advantages he might gain from negotiating in that manner.
Control – You command a negotiation by the degree of control you exercise. When appropriate, you can give the impression that you’re led by the other negotiator – you might wish to do that to gain insights into where he’ll take you with his control. You might also do it to put him at ease – less powerful negotiators become fearful when they sense they’re up against a more knowledgeable negotiator – letting him lead will allay his fears of being dominated by you.
Offers – Some negotiators will insist on getting a concession for everyone they make. You don’t have to do that. Depending on the negotiator type you’re negotiating with, consider saving the chits you gain from making concessions and using them in a combined force (e.g. I’ve given you this and that and I’ve not asked for anything. Will you please give me this?) – Accumulating concessions in this manner and calling in the chits earned from them can become a very strong persuader for the other negotiator to make concessions. Just be sure not to grant too many of them before making your request. The more concessions you make without getting a return, the more likely it becomes that they will lose their full value.
No matter the type of negotiation you’re going to be in or find yourself in, using the above insights will improve your negotiation abilities. And, it will improve your negotiation outcomes. So, always be mindful of how and when you use them … and everything will be right with the world.
Dammit, was the sound of exasperation that escaped her lips. She was going to be late, again. She wondered why she seemed to always have a challenge with time – she thought, it seems like I’m late for everything! I’ll probably be late for my own funeral. Oh well, I’ll deal with my tardiness later – she said into the air.
Here’s something to think about, everyone has the same amount of time. So, why are some people more successful than others? Answer – it’s the way they use their time. Successful people respect and use their time wisely – their use is to improve themselves and progress their goals. Sure, they take time to relax, spend time with friends and loved ones – but, for the most part, they’re very respectful of how they utilize the time that they have.
Consider the following to improve your use of time. Doing so will improve your outlook on life. And, it’ll also allow you to become more productive.
One huge waste of time is starting off to address something and not knowing if that’s the most important activity you should be engaged in. Sometime you may have ‘playtime’ that grips your imagination and steals you to another environment. But for the most part, if you have goals and you’re disciplined, you can combat those dastardly creatures. Plus, you’ll feel better knowing that you’re moving towards an end goal that will put you a step closer to a higher point of exhilaration.
Add Fudge Factor To Estimates:
Years ago, an associate said she always added a ‘fudge factor’ to her estimates when she estimated the time it might take to complete a task. She said, depending on the task she’d add a factor of two or three to her estimate – the range was based on her perception of the task’s difficulty. Thus, if she thought that a 10-minute task was easy to complete, she’d add a factor of two to her estimate – for planning purposes that allowed her 20-minutes to complete it. I asked what she did with extra time when a task didn’t take as long as she’d planned. She said that time was allocated to tasks that were in her ‘waiting to address’ folder – they were important. But not as important as the ones that had a higher priority.
To be more efficient with your time, when you’re engaged in an activity that requires concentration, set aside the amount time you want to address that activity and don’t let anything or anyone interrupt you during that time. You’ll save time by not having to restart where you left off from interruptions. That will allow you more time for other activities.
Time, it’s a fleeting measurement of movement. And yet, each moment of time is so important. Everyone has the same amount of it. What you do with it will allow you to progress to higher heights in life or not. If you want to be someone that continuously moves forward, gets ahead in life, use time wisely. Don’t cheat yourself by misusing it. Once you embrace the usage of time in a more efficient manner, you’ll become more efficient … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
In a negotiation, time can be used as an ally or it can become your foe. It may quickly open a door of opportunity and slam it shut as fast if you’re not mindful of how you’re using it. Therefore, before engaging in a negotiation, plan exactly how you’ll use time. You might consider using it to apply a deadline for the other negotiator to accept an offer or make a concession – or to mark the timeframe as to how long you’ll negotiate.
Regardless of how you use your time when negotiating, measure it wisely as applied to the different stages you’re in versus where you thought you’d be. Doing that will give you a handle on time. Because it’ll keep you from negotiating past a point where doing so is less beneficial to you.
“Magic tricks can be mind-blowing – until the other negotiator blows your mind by making your favorable outcomes disappear.” -Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator & Body Language Expert (Click to Tweet)
“Dirty Cruel Negotiator Tricks That Will Blow Your Mind“
Have you been in a negotiation that you thought was over – only to discover that it wasn’t – there was one little thing that needed addressing? It might have been, someone wouldn’t sign off on the deal. Or, maybe it was, ‘the last one was just sold.’ Your reopened negotiation might have taken on any variation of the last two excuses. More than likely, the excuses were contrived, already baked into the negotiation plans of the other negotiator. If you let such tricks bother you, they can blow your mind.
The following is how some negotiators use such tricks and how you can protect yourself against them.
The Cheat: Someone that’s dishonest or someone that uses the deal, no deal strategy
Challenge – Some negotiators are downright scoundrels. Their main strategy is figuring out how they can cheat you. They’ll use such tricks as concluding a deal, waiting until the covenants of the agreement are due, and then back out or request slight concessions. You can sue them for not abiding by the agreement but that means you’ll waste more time dealing with them.
Response – This person can be extremely difficult to deal with – if possible don’t deal with him. As in any negotiation, you should have background information about the other negotiator. Part of that due diligence should be uncovering his negotiation style based on his past negotiations. If he’s used cheating tactics in the past, they should be easy to uncover.
If avoiding him is not possible, observe how he responds throughout the negotiation. Such individuals may be very accommodating when engaging you – they’re setting you up for the cheat to come. Use time as your ally – stretch the negotiation out. At intervals, have deliverables that he must meet before the negotiation can occur. If he welshes at any interval, let that serve as consideration to abandon the negotiation. To better insulate yourself, front-load his deliverables to guard against you investing unnecessary time in the negotiation.
Moving Target: That’s not what I/you said.
Challenge – The negotiator that employs this tactic can use it in different forms. She can play the confused person, “I don’t know what I was thinking – that’s not what I meant.” Or, she can attempt to paint you as the bumbling idiot – “how in the world could you have inferred that? I would never make such an offer.”
Response – When she uses either form of this tactic, stop her – explore how the point of miscommunication occurred. Then, note to what degree, if at all, it occurs again. If it does, ask her if she’s intentionally miscommunicating with you. If she becomes flustered, so be it. Get the tactic out and in the open. You’ll disarm her use of it by doing so.
Time Delayers: I’m sorry. I’m not ready to continue. Can we postpone until next week/month?
Challenge – Every good negotiator knows, the more time you put into a negotiation, the more energy you’ll spend in seeing it to its conclusion. Therein lies the trap. Because, the more time you spend, the more likely you are to make concessions.
Response – Note the reasoning behind the request to delay the negotiation – seek its validity. You might consider raising the question about your negotiation counterpart seeking other offers, etc. Observe how he responds. The point is, test his request for an extension to assess its validity and to prepare for what may lie ahead. Don’t get sucked into the black hole vortex of time. You may regret it if you do.
Conclusion: Protect yourself.
The above strategies are acceptable forms of negotiating in some environments. Thus, what might be a dirty cruel trick in one arena might be thought of as a normal way of doing business in another. Therefore, be aware of the customary negotiation practices of the environment you’re in. Doing so will allow you to heighten your sense of awareness per that environment … and everything will be right with the world.
“Caution – Conflation Can Expose Crazy Dreaded Consternation”
Was she confused? She didn’t know if she was conflating dissimilar occurrences or becoming consumed by #caution. #Conflation can do that she thought – cause your mind to accept dissimilar occurrences as being similar – even when logic dictates otherwise. She realized her perceived dilemma was leading to #consternation. And that was something that she didn’t want to deal with.
She posted her article in the usual manner. But it didn’t populate automatically as it usually did. Then, a message that should have gone to her special list didn’t occur – now what, she wondered. Those processes are on different platforms – that can’t be related, or can it? She felt a sense of foreboding wailing inside of her as she questioned herself as to whether she was conflating two situations that were independent of one another.
Sometimes we conflate dissimilar events and situations and begin to see them as one combined occurrence. You’ve more than likely heard that “things come in threes” – and that’s usually associated with negativity. So, why do we do it? Why do we subject ourselves to crazy thoughts that causes dread – that cause us consternation? In part, that’s due to what we’re focusing on and what we expect to see.
Consider this – if we weren’t looking for the “things come in threes” scenario, we wouldn’t spot the second iteration of the first thing in that occurrence. Thus, the third occurrence would never have life. We can really drive ourselves crazy assembling disjointed occurrences into a seemingly logical progression – especially when logic screams at us about their mismatch. You and I need to be cautious as soon as we start down that path – it can lead to crazy dreaded consternation.
First, when you’re thinking with a mindset that defies logic, think about the way you’re thinking. Continuing along your current path of reasoning can make things get worse before they become even worse. Stop your crazy thinking before it stops you. To do that, note:
Conflation isn’t bad. Your appeal can be summoned by a combination of good and bad thoughts that appear to be dissimilar. That doesn’t necessarily mean there’s harm in them. Both negative and positive conflation can be a plus. To assess when it is, note how it serves your goals. If it does, consider progressing your thoughts along the lines that you’re engaged in. If they’re not serving you, stop!
Recognize the ‘headspace’ you’re in. Since your environment influences your thoughts, and impact your actions, take into consideration the environments you’re in – do so while considering the ones that you’ve been in recently. We’ve all heard about misplaced aggression due to situational occurrences that happened in another environment. To that end, even consider thoughts that aren’t prominent in your mind – silent thoughts can be like a vanishing ghost that wreaks havoc and then disappears back into nothingness.
Question if you’re on a slippery slope. One line of thinking will naturally extend to the next thread in the string – if you fail to monitor it. When you sense you’re being filled with despair, question what scenarios you’re conflating. Ask yourself if they really belong in the same thread. To assess that possibility, listen to logic – it can be a strong arbiter for why you should adopt one belief over another.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
You may become consumed by crazy thoughts in a negotiation. Those thoughts may cause you consternation. Unless checked, you may find yourself mired by despair – wondering how you got there and how you’ll free yourself. During such times, you run the risk of being illogical, which will cause your negotiation abilities to wane. To prevent that from occurring, be mindful of your emotions. Understand what’s motivating you to think the way you’re thinking. And realize, if you’re not thinking right, the right things won’t occur.
The point is, you must isolate yourself from conflation when it doesn’t serve you and embrace it when it does. To know the difference, you must know what’s driving your thoughts and recognize where those thoughts are taking you. Then, and only then, will you have control over your thinking … and everything will be right with the world.
“Influence – How To Surprisingly Win More In A Negotiation”
During a negotiation, you, and the other negotiator attempt to influence each other. Thus, you should always place a high value on using influencing strategies. You can increase the value of your negotiation outcomes by using the influence techniques that follow.
Psychologists have identified six forms of power that you can use as sources of influence in your negotiations. They are:
(threats & punishment) – With this form of power, you can force the other negotiator into a position of acceptance. But you should be mindful that you’ll more than likely not make a friend of him. Plus, by using threats and punishment as incentives for acquiescence you may become perceived as a bully – this may heighten your opponents need to seek pay-back. If that’s not a concern, recognize when this source of power is a viable influence tool. Just be aware of its blowback danger and how you use it.
(ability to offer incentives) – Reward power can be very temporary. Its value will decline as the perception of the reward devalues. When using rewards as a source of influence, do so from two perspectives.
Positive – “This is what you’ll get, something pleasant if you give me what I want.”
Negative – “This is what you’ll lose if you forego my offer.”
(influence based on your position or title) – The challenge with legitimate power is, one must accept it before it has authority. Therefore, if you have a position or title that’s not perceived as being valid, you’ll have little influence when attempting to use it in a negotiation. When using this source of power for influence, be sure to cast it in the light of perceived validity before the negotiation. That will enhance the respect and appeal of this power.
(influence based on your likability or admiration) – People that possess an affable personality tend to become better received by others. While reverent power has its place on the influence scale, some negotiators will dislike you for possessing this attribute. To have this influencer serve you better, balance it based on what’s occurring in the negotiation. When it suits your position, be reverent. When it doesn’t, discard it.
(influence based on your knowledge and skills) – The perception of expert power can be fleeting – because it’s situational. It lasts for the time that your knowledge is needed. In a negotiation, if a seller or buyer can acquire what she seeks from another provider, your power erodes. When using expert power, be strategic. Use it sparingly in situations that are warranted.
(not tied to your competence) – This can be power derived from ideas, opinions, access to thought-leaders, and influential people you meet and have access to. This form of influence is most powerful when the other party wants access to the information you possess. Its power becomes enhanced when you’re the only source that can grant access to what’s sought.
As in any negotiation, the manner of influence you use should be determined by the personality type that you’re negotiating against. Thus, to be more influential, you must know what will motivate that individual. One way to determine that is to evaluate whether the person is a giver or taker – the giver seeks power for the sake of helping others – the taker does so for the benefit of himself.
Once you have that knowledge in hand, you’ll have the key to which combination of influence to use. That will lead to more winning negotiation outcomes … and everything will be right with the world.
Two friends were talking. One said to the other, “I don’t get enough sleep – I’m gaining weight – I sit at the computer too much. And, I don’t exercise like I use to. I wonder if that’s why I’m putting on weight? I know all of that is bad for my health. But I must continue creating content. And, I must respond to the hundreds of people that reach out to me through email and social media every day. My life is spinning out of control and I don’t know what to do to balance it!”
Finally, the other friend said, “stop! I’m your friend – I care about you. Listen to yourself – you have the answer to everything you’ve complained about. If your complaints meant that much to you, you’d do something about them. You’d take action to address and correct them.”
Have you caught yourself complaining about what appeared to be a dilemma – something that caused you angst – something that you didn’t do anything to correct? If so, what you proclaimed to be so perplexing was not as challenging as reported. Because, like the one friend said to the other, if it created the degree of torment you stated, you’d do something to address it.
Here’s the point. There are times when you complain to solicit empathy from those you complain to. Recognize when you’re doing that. Because you’re not ready to take action – you just want to shout aloud about what you’re experiencing. You may be seeking feedback to comfort your mind, not feedback that’ll move you to action. Contrast that to when you become tired of complaining about something. That’s when you’ll take action. To note the difference in your mindset, note the differences in your actions.
If you’re seriously fed-up with your circumstances, if you’re tired of what’s stopping you from greater improvement, you’ll stop complaining and take action to alleviate its cause. Start to note the times when your complaints increase or decrease. Begin to observe the emotional upheaval you experience when thinking about a complaint that causes you anxiety. Pay attention to the degree of change that occurs in you – note when you think you might take action to address your concerns. That process will help you measure your mental perspective about your perceived challenges. It should also be the distant call that moves you closer to taking action sooner than later. That will be a time when your self-actualization and happiness embrace … and everything will be right with the world.
What does this have to do with negotiations?
Most likely, you’ve complained about not negotiating efficiently. When it occurred, did you anguish about it? There are two possible reasons why you might not have negotiated better. Either you didn’t plan properly or, you didn’t create a better strategy in your planning process. How many times has that happened throughout your life? A better question might be, now that you’ve heightened your awareness, what are you going to do about it going forward?
If you’ve complained about the negotiation outcomes you’ve had in the past – if you thought you could have negotiated better. Do something about it – stop complaining! You don’t have to learn more negotiation and reading body language strategies from me. But, to assuage your own emotional state of mind, seek insights from someone that can teach you how to become a better negotiator. Take action – that’ll allay your complaints.